Influence

 Take a moment and think about the people you influence.

NOT who influences you.

But people YOU influence.

For some of you you may say your kids or other members of your family. Others of you may say friends or coworkers. But think outside the box.

Here are three different groups of people I influence:

Celebrities
People who are reading my fanfiction stories
The people in my bible study groups (OK, maybe this one would be in the friends category)

I'm a member of 2 different Bible study groups and in both of them, I am the youngest member. Now before you start asking why, let me say this: I enjoy both groups I'm in because I can learn something from them. But after being presented with this question, it made me realize something: it doesn't matter how old I am, I can still touch someone's heart with my story.

Out of the two groups i'm apart of, only one of them knows part of my backstory, and that's mainly because when that group started, I was at the tail-end of a rough season where I had been rendered scared to worship. I eventually overcome my fear and am back to my normal self, but the thing that's been amazing to me is being able to share the lessons I learned during those four months and to pass on what I have learned to someone else who may be going through the same thing.

Now you're probably wondering, how do I influence celebrities? I'm sure at one point we have all posted at least one comment on our favorite celebrity's social media account about how we admire them for something they've done or about how we love them in (fill in the blank with what they do), but have you ever told a celebrity (via social media or in person) that you were praying for them? And not just that you were praying  for them to come to faith, but that you were praying for something going on in their lives?

I have.

I can't share too many details about my experience out of respect for the celebrity who I am referring to, so I'll summarize. One of my favorite celebrities was going through a nasty custody battle with their ex and it hit me hard because I know how much this person enjoys being a parent. Up until the court date (per the news) I had been praying heavily for this person's situation and that the outcome would be a positive one Fast forward to the night before the date, I had what I called a prayer/praise/night of surrender. It was then that I finally said "God, this is out my hands and into yours."

The date arrived and I posted the prayer that I had been praying for the past month to this person's twitter account. I'll admit I was nervous to mention I was praying for the opposition. I ended up logging out my social media accounts for what ended up being a week.  I never did hear the outcome of that date, and as far as I know, something may still be going on, but I learned two things during that season: patience and what it means to surrender.

I don't know if this celebrity ever read my post or my prayer, but I knew in my heart that I had done everything I could. It was up to God to do the rest. Who know, maybe one day if I meet this person, I can share it with them verbally.

Now the last category might take a little bit to digest, so bear with me.

Most of you know my journey with fanfiction and the emotional ride I went on in 2016. I was able to return 4 years later on the same day that was forced to let it go. Out of all the new chapters I have written these past few months, there are a couple that I am really proud of because of what they talk about. The current story I'm writing is about restoration of a marriage. I am drawing inspiration from the movie "Fireproof", Psalm 130, a couple songs by Casting Crowns, and a quote from another authors' fanfiction story.

Throughout the story, and much like in "Fireproof", there are moments of conflict, but it's the resolution that  is the most influential. Not only am I showing my readers that my characters are healing, I am showing them that there is healing and restoration through Jesus Christ! My hope and prayer is that someone out there is touched by what I have written, either in this story, or other stories I have written that share the gospel.             

So after reading this post, has your list of people you influence gotten longer? If not, that's OK, maybe now is the time to start.   

Saved

A young child, a stranger, and an avenger savewd my life.

How?

Well it's quite an interesting story!

In 2011, I met a young boy named Caleb who had cerebral palsy. I volunteered to assit him throughout vacation bible school that year and got to know him and his family. I remember one night he asked his mom "can she come over to our house?" It was so sweet. Sadly in 2012, he passed away while recovering from surgery. It hit me hard bbecause I wasn't even home when it happened. I was on my way to a famiy outing. It took me along time to get over it and move on. I even separated myself from the children's ministry at church because it reminded me too much of him. His was the first funeral I ever cried at.

In 2014, rejoined a website called fanfiction.net and found a partcular author's story and started reading. Upon finishing, I messaged her through the site's private messaging system. Throughout the rest of the year. we comunicated back and forth about each other's stories (I began to write my own and would ask her for help. Fast foward to January of 2015, she joined Twitter and we started direct messaging each other just about every day, talking about our stories, things in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (which is what both of our stories are about), and a few personal items. In November of 2016, I was dealing with some personal issues regarding my writing and reading of fanfiction. Because of this, I couldn't talk with her on twitter with her as much as I used to. It's a long and complicated story that is still at some points hard to talk about. Not a day goes by that I don't miss reading and writing. Sadly in January of 2018, she decided to no longer communicate with me, and chose to not say why she was stopping. This hit hard because we had been talking with each other for 3 years!

WARNING: THE NEXT SECTION CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME

In the movie, the avvenges travel back in time to collect the infinity stones to undo Thanos' sanp from the previous movie. Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff are sent to a planet called Vormir to retrieve the soul stone. In order to take the stone, one of them had to sacrifice themself so the other could take the stone back to the present day. Clint and Natasha fight over who was going to be the one to jump and in the end, Natasha ended up being the one.

This scene didn't hit me till after I left the theatre. I remember walking out shaking, then coming home and screaming in my room. I have loved Nat ever since she was in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (she appeared in 2 other movies prior to this one, but this was where I really got to know her). She is even the center character of my fanfiction stories. We also share a few things in common: we were both born in a different country (me China and her Russia), neither of us know our birth parents, and we're both ballet dancers.

So you're probably wondering, how did all three of these people save me? Here's the answer.

I believe that God uses tragety to bring people closer to Him. All three of these people I had grown close to and really got to know them. When they all were gone, I was hit hard and I struggled to come to terms with each loss. Why did Caleb have to die at such a young age? Why did Maggie (the stranger who became a mutal friend) leave me? Would this have happened if I wasn't forced to leave her? Why did it have to be Nat? Whhy couldn't they send someone else to Vormir?

Since the third loss, and after a concert in July (see previous blog post) my number one passion, which is worship, feels stronger than ever! I’ve joined the choir and I'm falling in love with new songs that I hear on the radio and learning valuable lessons:

"Yes I Will" praise God in the midst of tragedy
"While I Wait" I will worship and trust God
I will "Raise a Hallelujah" with everthing inside of me
He holds me through the storm and I will "Fear No More"
He is my "Shelter" in a time of storm
He is "Highter" than any mountain I face
He is an "Unstoppable God"
He is the "Keeper of my Heart"
Nothing can overcome my "Indestructable Soul"
I was a "Dead Man Walking" till he lead this dead man back to life
He reminds me every time that he's "Still Alive"
I can face my giants with "Confidence"


As far as the other spiritual diciplines, I'm working on them. I'm partcipating in a 4-year bible plan called Cover2Cover and am loving it. It's refreshing to slow down and focus on one chapter of the bible at a time whereas in previous plans I had to read multiple chapters a day. My prayer life is also growing again. I find it easier to spend more time in prayer at night before bed than in the moring before work. During running season, I would pray along the way to my early morning group runs, praising God for who He is and everything He has blessed me with.

So the short answer: God used all three of these loses to bring me back to Him and to reignite my passion for worship!

While I Wait, Yes I Will

While I Wait
Yes, I Will

2 valuable lessons I am trying to teach myself.

Earlier this year in June, I kicked off my running season for 2019. My goal was to run a 10 nautical mile (11.5 mile) race on at the end of August and then a 5K two weeks later. Unfortunately 2 months in and 2 weeks until race day, my season was brought to halt due to illness. The night I made the decision to postpone my run was actually the night beofre my birthday.

In July, I attended a concert with Vertical Worship, who is the artist of the song "Yes, I Will." When the song first started playing on the radio, I didn't think much of it. It wasn't until the day before the concert and hearing the song perfomred live that it started to make an impact.

I have no problem praising God when things are going great, but when things get tough, like saying "good-bye" to my marvel writings a few years ago (yes, it has been almost 3 years since that horrible day), I shut down and find it hard to praise Him. Sometimes I don't even had the words to say to him during my nightly prayer. That's why this song is so powerful to me, because it's a vauale lesson I need to learn.

"While I Wait" by Lincoln Brewster also represents me as I am waiting on a lot of things to happen: moving out and getting back to my marvel writings so  I can continue to share the gospel with the world, waiting to return to running, waiting for my dream job (medical coding), and waiting to return to dance again.

So for now:
Poka ya zhdu
Da, ya soglasen

Here are some of the lyrics to both of these songs.

"While I Wait"

I live by faith, and not by sight
Sometimes miracles take time

While I wait, I will worship
Lord, I'll worship Your name
While I wait, I will trust You
Lord, I'll trust You all the same

You're faithful every day
Your promises remain

Though I don't understand it
I will worship with my pain
You are God, You are worthy
You are with me all the way

So while I wait, I will worship
Lord, I'll worship Your name
Though I don't have all the answers
Still I trust You all the same

"Yes, I Will"

I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won't fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who's never late
Is working all things out
Is working all things out

Oh, yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
For all my days, oh yes I will
For all my days, oh yes, I will

And I choose to praise
To glorify, to glorify
The Name of all names
That nothing can stand against

"Stay"

As you may or may not know, not also do I write my own fanfiction stories, I also read them. One particular author that I read is called thegraytigress. She is actually my beta-reader for one of my stories. One of her mot recent stories that she has written is called "Stay"

Here is the summary and the link. PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS!!!!!

On the surface, he's a disabled war vet and she's his new neighbor. On the surface, they're both okay, surviving, working, living. But beneath his apathy, he's broken, bleeding, and drowning in his pain and loneliness. Underneath her smiles, she's lost, terrified, and trying to find a new start. Maybe it's fate that she moves in and he finds her. And maybe falling in love is their chance to heal.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6897352/chapters/15736108?view_adult=true

I will warn you RIGHT NOW, there is A LOT of adult content in this story. including: past sexual assault, PTSD, language, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and past domestic violence, but don't let that stop you from getting the message of the story. The purpose of the story is to help people who are struggling with either PTSD or are trying to get away from an abusive relationship and start over. 

And now for my personal thoughts: 

Out of all the fanfiction stories that I have read either by thegraytigress or even other authors, this one has a personal meaning to me. Now, I do not have PTSD and I am not trying to get away from an abusive relationship, but the idea of wondering if things are going to be OK is what resonates with me. 

Last year, more specifically starting at the end of November, I was dealing with some personal issues regarding my writing and reading of fanfiction. Because of this, I couldn't talk with her on twitter after each chapter like I always do when I'm reading one of her stories. It's a long and complicated story of which I'd rather not disclose. I miss it terribly. Some days its easy, and some days it's not.

When these issues first started, I compared it to a table, a turning table that i couldn't keep up with. Read chapter 13 of this story to understand the reference. That is where this story became real to me as well as the song "Turning Tables" by Adele. I was wondering if things were ever going to be OK and if I could ever go back to reading and writing. Unfortunately, I can't right now, but maybe one day in the future I can. 

Ever since thegraytigress finished this story, I have been trying to find the right words to say to her without going into details or getting too personal. The day that things fell apart for me was really tough. It was hard to come to terms with it because it hit me like a ton of bricks. It left me lost and unsure of how things were going to work out, Anyway, I think this blog is the best I can do. I can share both my thoughts on this story and encourage others to read this story if they are struggling.

I have found some other songs that go really well with this story. The reason being is that they tell parts of Natasha's story really well. I'd encourage you to read the story first, then listen to these songs in this order. They are: 

1. The Real Me-Natalie Grant
2. Home-Natalie Grant
3. Set It All Free-Scarlett Johanssen 

So. if you are brave enough, feel free to read this story and leave a review. She worked really hard on this story despite all of the negativity she received as she went. I am really proud of her for sticking with it and not giving up, even if I couldn't be there (logged in to twitter) to help her through it. 

Lastly, this is for thegraytigress: 

THANK YOU!!!!!! Thank you for writing an amazing and inspiring story. Thank you for showing me and thousands of other readers that things will one day be OK.

I'll leave you with a final quote from the story. I remember when I read it I felt like it resonated with me. When I told her that, it made her feel good. I hope this quote will encourage you as you journey through life. 

 "Recovery is a process, a long one.  It’s two steps forward, one step back.  It seems trite, but it’s true.  And it’s not about forgetting your past or ignoring it or simply getting over it.  It’s about learning to let it be a part of you.  That takes time and patience."

"Flawless"

Besides "Impossible" by Building429 being my top theme song, "Flawless" by Mercyme is the one that speaks to me the most. 

There's not much to say on this song, The words say it all. I would like to take this time to briefly share an instance where this song has spoken to me. 

During college. I changed my major from Chemistry to undecided and then to Journalism. However I handled the situation all wrong. I got angry and frustrated with my family because they didn't agree with my decision. There was one night I even hung up on my mom and literally ran out of my dorm building. To make matters worse, I left my phone in my room on purpose. 

Make a long story short, this incident has left me emotionally scarred, more specifically in the days following the day that I made the phone call to tell my parents the news and even as I headed into second semester. When this song came out, I found comfort that no matter how deep that scar is, God has forgiven me and made me flawless. He has forgiven me of the mistakes that were made. 

Here is the link and the lyrics to this powerful song by Mercyme. Read and listen and be reminded that the cross has made you FLAWLESS! 

"Flawless" by Mercyme

There’s got to be more 

Than going back and forth 

From doing right to doing wrong 

‘Cause we were taught that’s who we are 

Come on get in line right behind me 

You along with everybody 

Thinking there’s worth in what you do 

Then Like a hero who takes the stage when 

We’re on the edge of our seats saying it’s too late 

Well let me introduce you to amazing grace 

Chorus: 

No matter the bumps 

No matter the bruises 

No matter the scars 

Still the truth is 

The cross has made 

The cross has made you flawless 

No matter the hurt 

Or how deep the wound is 

No matter the pain 

Still the truth is 

The cross has made 

The cross has made you flawless 

Could it possibly be 

That we simply can’t believe 

That this unconditional 

Kind of love would be enough 

To take a filthy wretch like this 

And wrap him up in righteousness 

But that’s exactly what He did 

Chorus

Take a breath smile and say 

Right here right now I’m ok 

Because the cross was enough 

Then Like a hero who takes the stage when 

We’re on the edge of our seats saying it’s too late 

Well let me introduce you to grace grace 

God’s grace 

Chorus 

No matter what they say 

Or what you think you are 

The day you called His name 

He made you flawless

He made you flawless

No matter the bumps 

No matter the bruises 

No matter the scars 

Still the truth is 

The cross has made 

The cross has made you flawless

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjLlLPZderk

"Impossible"

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'" Matthew 19;26

This verse is what inspired the new song "Impossible" by Building429. I had recently started hearing it on Shine.FM and at first, I thought it was crazy. As I started hearing it more, I began to fall in love with it. Today, it is my favorite song to dance to. I ALWAYS turn my radio up VERY LOUD and dance in front of my mirror.  I also play this song whenever I'm on my treadmill running since I am training for the half marathon.

To make things even more awesome, I sent a tweet to Building429 telling them that I really liked this song. The following day, the band followed me on Twitter! I was one happy camper. Thanks guys for following me.

So, instead of me doing all of the typing, why don't you just listen to the song yourself. Don't be ashamed if you start dancing. It's a catchy tune.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zegqjuz4Cro

Read these lyrics and live out the truth: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!

"Impossible" by Building429

You got a vision
You got a dream
But it feels a million miles away
You got your passion
You got to believe
That this is why you were made

It takes a little time
Takes a little time
It takes a little time to see
I said it takes a little time
Takes a little time
It takes a little time to believe 

We can rise above the typical
And be anything but usual
We know
We know
We know
That there's no such thing as impossible

And nothing is unreachable 
When we trust the God of miracles
We know 
We know
We know
That there's no such thing as impossible

We're never given the spirit of fear 
Only the power of love
We'll keep on running and not grow weak
His strength is more than enough

It takes a little time
Takes a little time
It takes a little time to see
I said it takes a little time
Takes a little time
It takes a little time to believe

Rise above the typical
And be anything but usual
We know
We know
We know
That there is no such thing as impossible

That nothing is unreachable 
When we trust the God of miracles
We know 
We know
We know
That there is no such thing as impossible

There is no such, no such thing
There is no such, no such thing
There is no such, no such thing as impossible
Impossible

There is no such, no such thing
There is no such, no such thing
There is no such, no such thing as impossible

Rise above the typical
And be anything but usual
We know
We know
We know
That there is no such thing as impossible

Nothing is unreachable 
When you trust the God of miracles
We know 
We know
We know
That there is no such thing as impossible

10,000

If "The Star-Spangled Banner" is the anthem for the United States, and if "God, Save the Queen" is the anthem of the United Kingdom, then what is the worship and religious anthem of the Church? Well, that answer is "10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)" by Matt Redman.

This song came out back in 2011, but I never considered it as a worship and religious anthem for the church  I just thought that it was a great song to sing about worshiping God. Then one day, I received a newsletter from my junior high school and they described this song as the religious anthem of the church. When I read that, I was amazed and I totally agreed with what was said. I remember saying to myself, "I wish I could've been there to hear it." Nowadays that I'm in college, this song will be sung either in chapel or at my church that I attend.

The first time that I ever sang this song with other people was at my college's orientation. The only thing I remember was hearing the opening notes and being like "Wow, we're singing this." or something like that. I then sang this song with all my heart, and with both hands (I think) raised in the air. It's one thing to hear this song on the radio and sing it alone, but it's an entire different experience to hear other Christians singing this.

Another time we sang this song was during a Sunday worship service. The song was in a key that I could sing and it was just an acoustic guitar. This was the first time that I recorded it on my phone to have as a memory. I'm listening to it right now as I am typing. It brings back some nice memories.

 The most vivid memory that I have was at the end of January of this year during Olivet's Winter Revival. There were even times that I just stopped singing just so I could hear everyone else. It sounds so beautiful (even if the song was in a different key), just to hear a small church that's all filled to capacity sing this song. It sounds like a heavenly choir! I do have this version recorded as well.

It's hard to say which of these 3 memories is my favorite, more specifically the second and third one. They both have something that is memorable to me. The first one is memorable because it was the first time I ever sang it with a bunch of other people, but I don't have a recording of it. I wish I did, though. Oh well, at least I have the memory of it in my head. 

I'm not sure what else to say about this song. It's so amazing to hear and sing to God. So, I will just end with this:

My favorite number

10,000

Why?

10,000 reasons for my heart to find; 10,000 years and then forevermore.

Here are the lyrics to this amazing song. Oh, check out the album that this song is on. It's called "10,000 Reasons). There are some other really great songs on there as well, 

"10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)" by Matt Redman

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing

The end draws near and my time has come

Still my soul will sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name

I'll worship Your holy name